


if you said goodbye (would that be a lie?)

by mrsenjolras



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22279054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsenjolras/pseuds/mrsenjolras
Summary: “Oh, great! Well I just wanted to know if Louis would be coming with you again this year. You know we all loved having him last year.”“Right,” Shit, he thinks, shit shit shit. “Yeah, he’ll be there.” Fuck! He moves the phone away from his ear long enough to hit himself on the forehead several times. When he puts it back, his mum’s speaking again.“--wonderful! I’ve got to run now, though, you know it’s crazy around here getting ready. But we’re so looking forward to seeing you both! Love you,” she says. Liam replies that he loves her too and then she’s off the phone before he can say anything else.“Fuck,” Liam says. It echoes loudly in his empty apartment.[Or: Liam and Louis are broken up, until Liam needs a date for his family Christmas Party]
Relationships: Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	if you said goodbye (would that be a lie?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [musiclily88](https://archiveofourown.org/users/musiclily88/gifts).



> happy holidays, musiclily! sorry this secret santa present is so late! i took your preferences for lilo and fake dating to write this!
> 
> thanks to jamila for reading over this and for setting up the 1d fic secret santa in the first place! you're great :)
> 
> title is from the song 'not running' by the beths

“Hey mum.” Liam’s already juggling his keys and several grocery bags, but he hasn’t spoken to his mum all week and so he shoves his phone between his cheek and shoulder. “What’s up?”

“Oh, I just wanted to check in, make sure everything’s good with you,” she says as Liam finally shoves the door to his flat open and makes a beeline for the kitchen. He hums noncommittally as he drops his bags on the counter. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, mum,” he says, leaning against the counter. 

“Work’s not keeping you too busy?” she asks, sounding concerned. Liam knows he’s skipped out on a few phone calls or potential dinners with the excuse of work lately. And while his clientele at the gym _has_ picked up with the upcoming holidays, that wasn’t necessarily why Liam wanted to dodge his mum. 

“Well, yeah, there’s always a lot of people wanting to come in for training before Christmas. But it’s not too bad.” 

“That’s good, honey,” Karen says. “Listen, I just wanted to make sure you remembered the Christmas party next weekend.” 

Liam slumps back against the counter, holding in a groan. He’d completely forgotten about the party, which is the Payne family social event of the year. His whole family will be there, along with a large sampling of their closest friends. And, of course, everyone’s significant others. 

“Er, yeah, mum, I remember,” Liam says after a pause that’s hopefully not too long to be suspicious. His mum doesn’t seem to notice anything. 

“Oh, great! Well I just wanted to know if Louis would be coming with you again this year. You know we all loved having him last year.”

“Right,” _Shit_ , he thinks, _shit shit shit_. “Yeah, he’ll be there.” _Fuck!_ He moves the phone away from his ear long enough to hit himself on the forehead several times. When he puts it back, his mum’s speaking again. 

“--wonderful! I’ve got to run now, though, you know it’s crazy around here getting ready. But we’re so looking forward to seeing you both! Love you,” she says. Liam replies that he loves her too and then she’s off the phone before he can say anything else. 

“Fuck,” Liam says. It echoes loudly in his empty apartment. 

*

The problem is, of course, that he and Louis had broken up just over a month ago, and Liam hadn’t gotten around to telling his family yet. He hadn’t done it on purpose, exactly, except for how he sort of had. It’s just that the first couple of weeks he was in the kind of pathetic broken-hearted depression that he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it to _anyone_ , let alone his mum. 

After that, he’d just felt too weird about everything to tell his mum, and then it had gone on so long that Liam didn’t know _how_ to bring it up with her, and now here he is. Stuck between a rock and the pitying looks of his family when he shows up to the Christmas party conspicuously single. 

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He decides to go to Niall for advice, even though Niall’s advice isn’t always the best. He’s the best Liam’s got for now, though, since Harry would definitely give _worse_ advice. Liam maybe needs to find better friends to go to when he’s having a life crisis. 

Niall just laughs when Liam tells him the situation, which solidifies Liam’s plan to get better friends. As soon as he gets through this first problem. “Mate, just tell your mum you broke up,” Niall says. 

“I can’t do that,” Liam replies. “It’ll be a _thing_ all Christmas. With my whole family.” He knows Niall won’t really understand, since Niall never grew up with sisters and his mum is pretty laid back about everything. But Liam will quite literally never hear the end of it if he tells his family about his breakup, and he’d like to postpone that torture until after the New Year. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Well then, why don’t you just ask Tommo to help you out? He’d probably do it.”

“What, ask him to pretend like we’re still together?” Liam asks incredulously. 

“Sure,” Niall says. “It’s just a party, right? And I thought you two said you were gonna still be friends.” 

“I mean, I guess,” Liam says. He’d more agreed to the ‘staying friends’ thing because they’d been together on-and-off all through uni, so all of their friends were the same. He hadn’t wanted to lose all of his closest friends along with Louis. “I just think it would be awkward.” 

“Well, Payno,” Niall says, pointing a finger at him, “you’ve just got to decide if it would be more awkward to tell your family you broke up, or to have Louis pretend to date you again for a little bit.” 

Liam sighs and drops his head onto his hand. “You’re really not helpful,” he says, and Niall just laughs again. 

*

Despite what he said to Niall, Liam still hasn’t thought of a better option by the next day. And since he’s running out of time before the Christmas party, he needs to get moving. So he sends a text to Louis, asking him to get coffee and catch up a bit. Louis says yes almost immediately, probably because he was actually serious about them staying friends after the breakup. 

They end up at the cafe that had become their regular spot when they were dating, which Liam tries very hard _not_ to think about as he orders. And when Louis comes in, looking windswept and beautiful with his red cheeks and scarf wrapped around his neck, Liam stares deep into the bottom of his mug until the beating of his heart slows back down to a normal pace. 

“Hey, Li,” Louis says as he drops into the chair across from Liam. He’s got a tea in front of him, just as he likes it, with a little bit of milk and absolutely _no sugar, Liam, are you mad?_

“Hey,” Liam says after a moment. He’s definitely not equipped to handle this yet, and he’s starting to regret ever sending Louis that text. 

“So what’s up?” Louis asks, unwinding his scarf from around his neck. “How have you been? It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’d been meaning to text you, actually, but I’ve been up to my ears in grading with the holidays coming up.” Liam realises that Louis is speaking much faster than he usually does, and he wonders if Louis is as nervous to see Liam as Liam is to see him.

“Yeah, it has been a while,” Liam says before clearing his throat. “Um, I actually had a reason I wanted to talk. More than just catching up.” 

“Oh,” Louis says, after taking another sip of tea. “What’s that, then?” 

“Well, you remember my family’s Christmas party? It’s next weekend, and, uh, my mum is expecting you to be there,” Liam says awkwardly. 

“Why?” Louis asks.

“Er,” Liam starts. This is the moment of truth. Time to rip the band-aid off. “Because she thinks we’re still together?” 

Louis doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Liam wants to melt into the floor. “So, why can’t you tell her now?” Louis asks eventually.

Liam sighs. “You know my family, Lou. They can get pretty...intense about these things. And at this point it would just be awkward and uncomfortable the entire weekend. Like, obviously you don’t have to do it, I’ll live and all, but I was just wondering if you would--”

“I’ll do it,” Louis interrupts. Liam stops short, looking up at Louis from where he had been staring at his hand while he spoke.

“What?” 

“I’ll do it,” Louis shrugs. “Your family is great, Li, it’s not like it’ll be that hard.” 

“Oh,” Liam says. “Thanks, Lou. I’ll really owe you.” 

Louis laughs. “Yeah, that’s for sure. Anyway, you never answered my first question. How have you been?” 

And just like that, it’s settled. They move on to talking about other topics, and eventually the awkwardness passes. Liam realises that he really has missed having Louis around as a friend. They’ve been in each other’s lives now for too long for there ever to be a clean break between them. So even if it’s a little bittersweet, and there’s still a jolt of pain that hits Liam’s chest when Louis smiles wide, Liam can’t bring himself to regret the decision. 

*

Liam rethinks that thought a few days later, as he and Louis walk in the door of his parents’ house and are immediately greeted by the grinning faces of his mum, dad, and sisters. What he’d maybe forgotten to consider was the fact that he absolutely _hates_ lying to his family, and he’s shit at it in the first place. Hell, the “lie” that even got him in this situation was more by omission than anything else. 

“Liam!” his mum says, pulling him into a tight hug. As soon as she lets him go, she’s pulling Louis in and giving him the same treatment. “And Louis, oh, it’s so good to see you again. We’re all so glad you could make it.” 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Mrs. Payne,” Louis says, with his top mum-charmer smile. Liam’s mum turns slightly pink and slaps at his arm lightly.

“Oh, please,” she says, “you know you can call me Karen.” Louis laughs in response and asks her about something else, but Liam can’t make out exactly what as he’s pulled into crushing hugs by his sisters.

“Oof,” he says, “I can’t breathe.” 

“Deal with it, Li!” Ruth shouts right next to his ear. He winces away as much as he can. “It’s been ages since we’ve seen you,” she says then, a bit quieter. Liam wrangles his arms around her and Nicola both. 

“Aw, Ruthie,” he croons, “I missed you too.” Nicola laughs from his other side. When they finally pull back, he catches Louis looking at him with something different in his expression. Before Liam can identify what exactly the emotion is, though, Louis turns away and says something to Liam’s mum. 

“Come on,” Nicola says then, “Mum wants us to set the table.” That may well be true, but Liam can also tell that it’s an excuse to get him alone for a minute and interrogate him. He makes a gesture to Louis to indicate where he’s going, and Louis nods from where he’s speaking with Liam’s parents. Again, Liam’s glad that he and Louis haven’t lost that comfort, that ability to communicate without words. 

“So,” Ruth says, the minute Liam steps into the dining room, “Louis.”

“What about him?” Liam asks, picking up some silverware and starting to place them on the table. 

“How is everything going? I know you’ve been off and on for a while,” Nicola says. 

Liam keeps his eyes trained on the table in front of him. “Yeah, uh, we were. But after the last time we agreed that it was all in or nothing.” That was true, actually. It’s just that they had broken up, which means it was their _last_ breakup. 

“I’m glad, Li,” Ruth says. “He’s always made you happy.”

“Yeah,” Liam says, ignoring the words choking up his throat. “Yeah, he has.”

*

“Hey,” Louis says later that night, when they’re both in Liam’s old childhood room. Liam’s sitting on the single bed, and Louis is standing in the door, coming in from brushing his teeth. There’s a pile of extra blankets and pillows on the floor, and Liam knows there’ll be a fight later over who sleeps where. 

“Hey,” Liam replies. There’s an awkwardness between them now, one that wasn’t there earlier during dinner. They had easily slipped back into their roles as boyfriends, with casual touches and secret smiles for each other. Liam was trying to take a moment for himself while Louis was in the bathroom, trying to get his feelings under control. 

“You okay?” Louis asks. Liam snaps himself back into the moment, forces himself to stop thinking about the way Louis had rested a hand lightly on Liam’s thigh for most of dinner. 

“Yeah, I’m great,” Liam says. It doesn’t sound all that convincing, and Liam knows that Louis can tell. 

“Because, like, we can tell them, if you want. But it would be easier to do it before all the rest of your family comes tomorrow,” Louis offers. Liam appreciates it, he does, but he also knows that they’re in deep now and it would be better to just fight their way through it. 

“No, no, it’s okay,” he says. “Thank you, again, for doing all this.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you, Li, it’s not that bad,” Louis says, sounding exasperated. “It’s not a hardship for me to pretend to date you.” 

Liam doesn’t quite know what to say to that. It’s not really a hardship for him to pretend to date Louis either, but that’s more down to the fact that Liam hasn’t gotten over his feelings for Louis. A part of Liam wants to ask Louis if it’s the same for him, if he’s struggling to remind himself that they aren’t together anymore. If he’s wishing that they were still together, the way Liam is. But there’s a much, much larger part that’s too scared to ask, that can’t put himself up for that kind of heartbreak, not so soon after the last one. 

“Sorry,” Liam replies eventually. “I’ll—I’ll stop doing that, then.”

“Good,” Louis says. “Now, I’m going to turn in.” Liam stands from the bed, ready to offer it to Louis, and Louis immediately rolls his eyes. 

At least Liam was right about one thing: their fight about who sleeps where lasts a good twenty minutes. 

*

Liam wakes up the next morning before Louis does. He’d ended up sleeping on the floor after agreeing to switch with Louis for the next night, and it wasn’t the most comfortable sleep. So he tiptoes out of the room and down into the kitchen, where his dad is sitting with a cup of coffee and the morning paper. 

“Morning,” Liam yawns out. He makes his way to the coffee machine and pours himself his own cup before he sits down across from his dad. Geoff sets down the newspaper, and they sit in companionable silence for a while, both drinking from their coffees. Liam’s always appreciated this, the quiet that comes when he’s with his dad. His mum and his sisters are great, but they’re _loud_ , and Liam’s always needed a break from that, a bit of peace and quiet. 

“It’s good having you back home,” Geoff says after a while. “Your mother and I are always a bit at loose ends when you’re all off on your own.”

Liam hums. He’s not really sure how to respond to that, because Nicola and Ruth still live close enough to their parents that they were able to go home at least a few times a month. Liam’s really the one who went away, the one who can only really afford to come back for major holidays when he’s off work. “It’s always nice to come home, too,” he says. 

“And that Louis,” Geoff says next, “you know your mother and I really like him. He’s a good one.” 

“Yeah,” Liam says gruffly. “Yeah, he is.” 

Geoff finishes off his coffee and stands, coming around the table to squeeze Liam’s shoulder. “We’re all glad you’re happy, son,” he says before he drops his mug into the sink. “Now I’m off to run to the shops for your mother before it gets too busy.” 

“Alright,” Liam says. He sits at the table for a while after his dad leaves, until Louis stumbles into the kitchen. 

“Morning,” he says, and Liam’s startled into action. Before he can even think about it, he’s up and getting a mug of tea ready for Louis. When he hands it to Louis, he gets a surprised look in return. “Oh, thanks,” he says. Liam feels awkward then, standing in front of Louis in the kitchen. He’d done it all without thinking, the same way he’d used to make them both breakfast whenever Louis stayed the night at Liam’s place. Which, by the end, had been most nights a week. 

“You’re welcome,” Liam says, and then he clears his throat. “Um, I think most people should be getting here in the early afternoon. So we’re free until then, except my mum might get us to help out with some stuff.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Louis says. He’s drinking his tea slowly, leaving his hands wrapped around the mug to get some of the heat. “I can get dressed and everything after this, and then I’ll be ready for whatever Karen needs me for.”

Liam laughs a little at Louis’ immediate acceptance that he’ll be roped in to help with the rest of them. “Okay,” he says. It’s silent after that, and Liam’s not sure how to break the silence. It used to be easy with Louis; there would be days they could talk for hours about everything and nothing. Now, though, Liam feels like he’s on the wrong foot and he’s not sure how to get back into step. 

He’s saved when his mum walks into the kitchen. “Oh, good, you’re both awake!” she says when she sees them both. “How did you sleep?” She doesn’t wait for a response before she continues. “Liam, honey, can you help Ruth finish putting up the decorations? She can’t reach the high corners.” 

Liam jumps at the chance to distract himself from whatever’s going on with his feelings for Louis. He shoots Louis a quick smile over his shoulder before he goes to find Ruth, who is indeed struggling to put some garland up above a doorway. 

“Take this,” she says, shoving it at Liam. “I need to put up the mistletoe.” Liam decides he wants to stay far away from _that_ situation, so he goes to put the garlands up and ignores the sounds of laughter from the kitchen, where his mum and Louis are still standing. 

*

Liam and Louis are kept busy for most of the morning and don’t have much time alone together. It makes Liam feel nervous and relieved at the same time--nervous, because he and Louis don’t have any plan for what to do when guests arrive, and relieved because he’s not sure how well he can handle being alone with Louis right now. 

Just before the guests start to arrive, Louis comes down the stairs and stands next to Liam. He’s changed into nicer clothes, a pair of jeans and a sweater that looks extremely soft to the touch. He slips his hand into Liam’s easily. “Relax,” he whispers into Liam’s ear, and Liam tries to do so. 

It doesn’t work very well, evidently, because Louis squeezes Liam’s hand again. “Li,” he says, and Liam shakes himself a bit, forcing his muscles to relax. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he says quietly. “I’m okay.” 

“Okay,” Louis says, though he looks a little dubious. There’s not time for him to say anything else, though, because the doorbell rings right at that moment. Liam’s mum comes rushing through to the door, and then the door is open and Liam’s aunt and cousins are walking in and it’s all starting. 

It’s a flurry of hugs and chatting and catching up, and for a while Liam’s lost in the madness of it all. He can’t even really think about whatever’s going on with Louis, because he doesn’t have time to think about it. He supposes that’s a bit of a blessing, though. 

Much like the night before, he and Louis fall easily back into their couple routine. Most of Liam’s family had met Louis at the party the year before, and they all seem to be very pleased that Louis has come again this year. An hour into the party, Liam’s lost count of the number of times someone’s commented on what a catch Louis is, on how Liam snagged a good one. And that doesn’t even take into account the winks and nudges he’s received about making things with Louis even _more_ official. 

He steps into the kitchen for a moment, hoping to catch his breath. He’s half expecting to run into his mum or one of his sisters grabbing something from the fridge, but for once his luck turns out. The kitchen is empty, and Liam takes the chance to pour himself a glass of water and stand facing the counter for a couple minutes, breathing deeply until his shoulders feel less tense. He’s not there for long before he hears footsteps approaching behind him. 

“Hey,” Louis says, and Liam turns around to look at him. Louis’ got a cautious look on his face, like he’s worried that Liam’s going to shut him out or turn him away. “You all good?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam says. “I just wanted to, uh, clear my head a bit.” 

“Oh, sure,” Louis says. “Do you need me to--?” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder back out towards the living room. Liam appreciates the offer; he’s glad that Louis knows that sometimes Liam really does need to be alone, and that it’s nothing personal. Sometimes everything just gets too _much_ for Liam, too _big_ , and it makes his chest feel tight and pressured, like he’s a gasket just waiting to burst. Whenever that happens, he has to pull himself back, take himself out of whatever situation is stressing him out until he’s back under control. Louis had become familiar with these coping methods over the course of their relationship, and Liam’s pleased that he hasn’t forgotten about them.

“No,” Liam says to Louis then, “you can stay. I want you to stay.” 

Louis’ face changes then, softens like it had that morning when Liam handed him his tea. “Okay,” he says, and he steps closer to Liam. He’s within arm’s reach now. “You wanna tell me what this is about?” 

“Just, like, this whole thing,” Liam says, shrugging. “You know I don’t like lying to my family. And, well, it’s just hard, I guess,” he trails off. He wants to say more, to tell Louis how hard it is to pretend that they’re still together, how painful the reminders are that they aren’t anymore. 

Louis hums, steps in even closer. “Can you tell me more?” he asks quietly. It’s what he used to do all the time, even before they were together--he would find Liam somewhere, freaking out about something, and he would slowly coax Liam into sharing everything. Liam thinks he uses the same tactics on his students when they’re going through something. It’s ridiculously effective. 

“Well,” Liam starts, and then he sighs. “Listen, I don’t want to make this awkward for you. Or, like, more awkward than it already is. So just promise me you won’t hate me for what I’m going to say.” 

Louis takes the last step forward, now standing directly in front of Liam, and grabs one of Liam’s hands in his own. “Li, I promise you, nothing you could say would ever make me hate you.” 

Liam looks into his eyes, tries to gauge if he’s telling the truth. He thinks he is, so he takes a deep breath. He still has to close his eyes when he says, “it’s hard for me because I still have feelings for you, and I keep having to remind myself that we aren’t together anymore. Even though I want us to be. Together, that is.” 

Louis doesn’t say anything for a moment. Liam’s eyes are still closed. He’s afraid of what he’ll see when he opens them. After what could be either one minute or thirty years, Louis squeezes Liam’s hand. “Li, open your eyes,” he says. 

Liam does. He’s faced with Louis looking back at him with the widest smile on his face. “Liam,” he says, “I’m so glad you told me that.” 

“What?” Liam asks.

“I was thinking of ways I could force you under the mistletoe, but that would have been so terribly cliche,” Louis says, and Liam’s still not quite sure what’s happening. 

“Sorry, I don’t understand,” Liam says. Louis leans up and presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek. 

“Babe, I want to be with you, too. I mean, I agreed to be your fake boyfriend for your family. Who else of our friends would I do that for?” Louis asks, and Liam thinks for a moment. Imagining Louis pretending to date Niall, or Harry, or any of their other mates, just makes him laugh out loud. 

“Yeah, alright,” he says, “I suppose that was a bit of a give away. But, well, I _asked_ you to do it.” Louis smiles at him, and it looks like he might say something else, but Liam cuts him off before he can. “Just, wait. What about the whole, ‘we’re breaking up for good this time’ thing?” Because Liam hasn’t forgotten the pain of that, of knowing that he’d lost Louis for real. 

“I’m an idiot,” Louis says simply. “Let’s get back together for good this time.” 

Liam blinks. “Are you serious?” 

“Yeah,” Louis says, “I’m serious. I’ve been miserable without you, Li, honestly. I know we need to talk about everything, but I don’t want to break up again. Or stay broken up. I want to be with you, full stop.”

Liam takes a deep breath. Louis copies him, and they breathe together for a moment. “Yeah,” Liam says then. “I want that, too.”

Louis breaks into a wide smile, the one that crinkles up his eyes and takes Liam’s breath away for a moment. “Good. Great. That’s brilliant,” he says, and Liam laughs at him. He leans in then and kisses Louis for the first time since they broke up. Louis makes a muffled noise against his mouth before kissing him back fiercely. 

Liam had missed kissing Louis. Louis always puts all of himself in everything, and kissing is no different. It makes Liam dizzy, feeling like all of Louis’ attention is on him, like there is no other thing Louis would rather be doing and no other place that Louis would rather be. Liam tries to give back as good as he gets and hopes that the way Louis presses impossibly closer means that he’s successful. 

They kiss for a while, and Liam would be willing to spend the rest of the night right there, pressed against his parents’ kitchen counter with Louis against his front, but they’re interrupted by Ruth’s voice saying, “ _there_ you are.” 

Liam and Louis pull apart, and Liam looks over to see Ruth standing in the door with her hands on her hips but an amused smile tugging at her lips. “If you’re done, people are wondering where you two have gone off to.” 

“Sorry,” Liam says sheepishly. Louis takes a step away from him but slips his hand into Liam’s easily. Unlike this morning, Liam only feels happiness at the action. He and Louis walk back out to the party with Ruth, and Liam’s mum smiles when she sees the two of them together. For the first time all weekend, Liam doesn’t feel dread in his stomach. 

When he looks down, Louis is looking back at him with a soft smile on his face. “Everything good?” he asks, and Liam nods. 

“Amazing,” he says. He wants to elaborate, but he’s interrupted by Nicola’s voice. 

“Oh, you’re under the mistletoe!” she shouts, and the whole party turns to look at Louis and Liam. They both look up to find one of the sprigs of mistletoe that Ruth had hung up this morning. The party-goers start to cheer and yell at them to kiss, and Liam looks at Louis with a smile. 

“What was that you were saying about cliche?” he says, and Louis laughs into their kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [here](http://foliealou.tumblr.com/) and the fic post [here](https://foliealou.tumblr.com/post/190289268936/if-you-said-goodbye-would-that-be-a-lie-oh)


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